Student Attending Lectures for the Naps
pupin, columbia university—Despite enduring weeks of pointless lectures from professor Rutherford Edgemont, Edward Samson, CC ’11, appeared excited to attend Edgemont’s class. He carried a velvet bathrobe (and nothing else) to the lecture.
Samson admits that he attends the class mainly to catch up on sleep but denies that his education is suffering. “I am attending this class in the interest of my education, and I intend to fully memorize and internalize all the information given,” Samson said Monday to his roommate. “I understand that the professor’s voice drones comfortably while everything else remains quiet. I have also noted that the back of the lecture hall has a pleasant décor.”
Many other chemistry students have applauded the attendance record of Samson, who recently stepped out of class looking quite refreshed.
“These lectures provide a chance for all chemistry students to catch up on their basic needs,” Samson said. “Time is hard to come by at this college. Lecture only lasts 75 minutes, but that still allows for a luxurious cat nap between my morning power nap and afternoon siesta.”
According to fellow classmates, Samson’s napping during last week’s Niels Bohr lecture went relatively smoothly, though he snored at one point. The noise woke him up, but he deftly covered it as a cough.
But English major Amy Winston, CC ’09, was angered by Samson’s behavior, bemoaning the fact that she can’t pull the same stunts in her seminars.
“It’s clear that the chemistry-lecture cat naps aren’t doing him any good anyway,” said Winston. “I mean, you get such a stiff neck in those seats that you have to rest later.”
Nevertheless, many chemistry students have begun following Samson’s example. In one class, a student even brought his comforter and shared it with the people next to him.
“I’m happy to say that professor Edgemont has provided me with ample sleeping opportunities, and I am grateful to him,” Samson said, donning his slippers. “I have class in five minutes.” \\\