Sea Change
In a development sure to send shock waves across upper Manhattan, the City Council unanimously approved Columbia’s proposed expansion into Manateeville Friday.
Manateeville—a 77-acre aquatic neighborhood stretching from 122nd Street north to 135th Street—is the home to several schools of fish, a few pods of dolphins, and a multitude of manatees.
Environmental groups have expressed concern about the displacement of a federally-endangered species from its natural urban habitat, despite assurances from Columbia that it will take care of the manatees. “There are only a few hundred manatees” in the neighborhood, says President Lee Bollinger. “We’re going to resettle them off the coast of Florida. Or we’ll find them a nice climate-controlled room in the American Museum of Natural History.”
Bollinger has called the Manateeville project “essential,” citing the dearth of space at the Morningside campus, and the tremendous cost of disposing of the manatees that routinely beach themselves on St. Nicholas Avenue.
In a phone interview from the president’s chalet in St. Moritz, Switzerland, Bollinger described his plans for the submarine campus: “In the future, man will live under the sea. To remain a world-class institution, Columbia has to explore this frontier. Besides, everything is better, down where it’s wetter. Take it from me.”
To allay the environmental concerns, Columbia plans to construct a marine biology laboratory in Manateeville, to, in the words of Provost Alan Brinkley, “study manatees, who are adorable little creatures, and never hurt a fly.”
Despite the controversial nature of the project, many Columbia students seem to be unaware of the University’s plans for expansion. “Manateeville?” said Tom Faure, CC ’09 and editor in chief of the Spectator. “Isn’t that a song by Jimmy Buffett?”