Pass it Over
Like many of my fellow gentiles (a Hebrew word meaning “not-so-Jewish”), I have often wondered about the origins, meaning, and weird bread-stuff of Passover.
Just what in the heck is it all about? Perhaps, I thought, it is a Jewish celebration of traditional nursery rhymes. Maybe the Hebrews have adapted the old children’s rhyme, to say: “Jakob be nimble, Jakob be quick, Jakob pass over the candle stick.” Or perhaps, like any other respectable holiday, it is merely an alternative way to celebrate football, a recognition of the common play in which the quarterback passes the pigskin (not kosher) over to his wide receiver. But then again, the phrase “pass over” could refer to anything—table manners, highway construction, flatulence… things near and dear to all of us. But Passover can’t be about all these things.
No, there has to be a better, singular, and possibly theological explanation for this Passover business.
And so I decided to consult the oldest scripture in the lands, sacred to Jews, not-so-Jews, Muslims, Christians, Scientologists, and Reverend Jeremiah Wright: Wikipedia.
I will now share with you the fruits of my labors. Passover, the article explains, “begins on the 15th day of the month of Nisan.” Wait, what? Wikipedia, I’m ashamed. This is blatant product placement. Changing the name of a month into a car advertisement seems rather craven, particularly for an encyclopedia.
OK, but anyway, continuing, the article continues to explain that this so-called “Passover” has to do with locusts. Why are we still celebrating a holiday about locusts? This is tomfoolery!
The site also claims that “The Torah says that it is because the Hebrews left Egypt with such haste that there was no time to allow baked bread to rise and thus flat bread, matzo, is a reminder of the rapid departure of the Exodus.” My question to you, Wikipedia, is this: who is this Torah, and what sort of credentials does he/she have? Also, I believe ancient Egypt was mostly devoid of yeast anyway, and its citizens subsisted on a diet of papyrus and hippopotamus meat, and I would like to know if you could prove to me that there was ever any bread in the country at all, flat or otherwise.
Moving on, the site explains that “Passover commemorates God’s sparing of the Hebrew firstborn as he saw the blood of the Passover lamb on the doorposts of their houses on the night of the Tenth Plague.” This is clearly false, because if I saw a bleeding lamb, my first reaction would be to find some grass or oats or something and maybe apply pressure to its wounds in order to stop the bleeding. I don’t think anyone would do any differently.
Also what kind of religion is trusting Wikipedia to explain its most sacred holiday? Can someone please answer that for me?
So I still do not understand this holiday. You could say that I “passed over” the true meaning of the holiday completely. You could say that. Well, I just did. \\\