One Swift Blow

From:
Subject: TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR ! <3
Date: March 26, 7:24:33 PM EDT
To:

dear TAYLOR SWIFT! best singer of universe,

this is an essay. here is my introduction. i will be talking about the mortgage crisis. this crisis is the crisis that makes economies hurt. when i heard about this crisis, i wuz sad. but when the economy started doing better, i was sure everything would be going up! but then it went down again, because the triple-A rated securities were less of a sure bet than all the investment banks led us to believe. i cried all of a sudden. i cried, again, like is my wont. my rofl has quickly turned to a wtf.

sooooo sad! where has all the money gone, i asked? michelle, my fav bff, said it never existed. i cried! speculation, u hav made my eyes all red with tears and every time i think about u, i say, “be strong, pinkmermaid11, speculation has hurt ur economy b4 and it haz recovered.”

the fed’s installments have all disappeared. i hav tryed to understand how the situation has become so bad, but it is hard, and i still do not know wat subprime or mortgage mean, though i understand that credit derivatives and other swaps have played a biiiiig part in the crisis. i love chad michael murray and i will marry him. he will fall in love with me, cuz i am a mermaid.

mortgage dorktage. boyz boyz boyz! in conclusion, the mortgage crisis is severe, and i wud like to help solve it, but no solution wud get me invited to marissa pomtomkpin’s slumber party! you wud no exactly wat to say about this boyz problem and this mortgage crisis. these are only two problems i need you to fix, one less than three (<3 !!!) it is times like these that i must remember my motto, TAYLOR SWIFT 4EVA ~TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR! <3.

this song is the song that got me through the tough times. when my friend who i was crushing on for soo long who i thought loved me all of a sudden got a girlfriend! i cried for sooo long and this song is now my fav song. everytime i c him i wanna cry but i know it waz meant to be.

it is so hard to be in middle school and c cute boyz and think, “oh, that boy is cute” and when he doesn’t look at me think, “oh, that boy is so mean!!!!!” but anyway TAYLOR SWIFT 4EVA ~TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR! <3 <3 <3

--pinkmermaid11

How to Avoid Looking Like a Tourist in New York
1. Wear an “I Love New York” shirt, but write “ironically” on it in tiny, tiny letters. Real New Yorkers will recognize your terrific wit.
2. Leave fanny pack, visor, and Statue of Liberty crown at home. Instead, wear some disgusting accessory from a decade you don’t remember and inform people that you “are totally bringing back the ___.”
3. Place seven decoy wallets on your person to fool the pickpockets. Keep all your money in a wad in your shoe. This is how real New Yorkers do it.
4. When you pass a restaurant, loudly remark to your friends, “This is the best place in town” and a spot for “great, cheap eats.” You must do this, even if the restaurant is a Chili’s charging $23 for a crappy rack of ribs.
5. Under no circumstances should you board a double-decker bus.