City of Love
saint augustine on losing love, finding it again, and 49 sinless ways to steam up your bedroom
Gentlemen: You’ve probably heard about how I stole all these pears when I was young and virile. I know it was a sin taking so much virginity, but man, to take a girl for the first time is like picking off that ripe fruit and letting it melt in your mouth. You just feel revived. I do brag about it often, because fellas, when you’re young, people won’t jail you for a little hanky-panky. You should try to pluck as many pears as possible and worry about the consequences later—trust me.
Sins committed when you’re young will be forgiven, so jump on that. Many things are sins. Like breast-feeding. Also, eating fruit. Or weeping. Best to get those out of the way ASAP.
You also might have heard that I converted to Christianity. Christianity offers a lot of useful advice. When you see a smoking-hot lady at a bar, sidle up to her (sidle, don’t walk) and ask her back to your place. If you don’t, God will smite you.