Tips for the Midterminally Ill

The slacker's guide



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There’s nothing like midterm season to blow the feeble cover of your SparkNotes-informed class comments. But luckily, an ounce of slacking preparation is worth a pound of cure (especially when that cure involves petitioning the registrar for a grade change). Without further ado, how to economize your time (and still pass your econ midterm!):

Always be 10 minutes late to class. No one is focused, the professor doesn’t start, and you can use those extra 10 minutes to do something else.

Never stay up late doing reading—Instead, focus your energy on being awake during class.

Go to recitation or discussion section. The TAs usually repeat what the professor says, plus you won’t feel dumb when you ask questions.

E-reserve last year’s midterms so you get an idea of what you’re up against.

Get notes from people who took the class last year. After all, professors are slackers too—they love to recycle questions.

Befriend the smartest kid in class: chances are, he or she doesn’t have many friends, so it’s a win-win situation!

If all else fails, lie your ass off. You have two grandmothers. Use them as excuses to delay taking midterms.

Break into your professor’s office to steal his or her notes. At this point, grades are all about effort and creativity applied to the subject. Apply your talents to more useful endeavors.

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