the magazine of the columbia daily spectator
May 1 2013
Mmm, baby: The very best in food porn
April 27 2013
Alternatives to Butler
April 19 2013
Red Bull and relaxation
April 17 2013
Back to the kitchen: A short journey through sexist pop culture
April 12 2013
Bikinis and big booties, y’all
April 8 2013
Azealia Banks Did What?
April 5 2013
More stories from Columbia’s military veterans
April 3 2013
Sing, O Muse, of some sappy story
April 1 2013
Missed the Cliterary Open Mic? Check out the highlights here
March 29 2013
Sex & Low Beach
Real talk: What have the Kardashians ever done for us?
They’re not scientists nor, it hardly needs to be said, brain surgeons. They’re not artists, or peacemakers, or great writers. Even their contributions to the sex-tape genre have been limited at best. But worst of all, they’ve failed to entertain.
I’m not going to claim that I’ve made some great contribution to humanity. But unlike the Kardashians, no one ever decided to put me on TV one brisk October in 2007 and keep me there, with little to show for it after all this time except a bogus, albeit expensive, wedding-turned-punch line.
This is just my perspective, but watching an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians is akin to watching paint dry—while whiny, drippy voices worm their way into your ears. It’s not just boring and inane, but irritating to boot. If it weren’t for the constant fanfare, you’d think some E! producers had just completely forgotten to cancel the show, leaving the family there to whine their way into oblivion and late-night reruns. Bottom line: it’s boring. Why do viewers tune in? I’m stumped.
Instead, the Kardashians’ faces stare at us under bold but interchangeable headlines at every newsstand and grocery store checkout. We are forced to put up with their half hearted attempts at syndication and franchise, like clothing lines and milkshake bars, and with people acting like the minute details of their boring lives are worth our attention. “Kim Kardashian Changes Outfits During Dinner with Kanye West in Rome” is a real article someone wrote. Look it up (or rather, don’t).
Why rail against America’s First Family of Entertainment now? Because they’re still here. Khloe and Kim and Kho knows who else have been doing nothing on TV for five and a half years, and I’m sick of it. I’ve only seen the show once or twice, but as far as I could tell the main drama of the episode was some guy not being comfortable with his girlfriend’s private yoga instructor.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m a huge fan of reality TV. Oxygen’s Bad Girls Club is my guilty pleasure. The episodes are an often literal melee of loudly nose-diving “bad girls,” each intent on proving that she’s the biggest hot mess. It’s cheap, dirty, and most importantly, totally insane.
Flip back to the Kardashians: yoga problems. Yawn.
America, you can do better. Why glorify these never-do-anythings? There are far more exciting hours of programming to distract you from your pressing responsibilities‑‑ones where everyday people don’t bother acting (unconvincingly) like they’re famous. It’s time to change the channel.
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